It's NOT Just Social Media in a Divorce!

Monterey Family Law Attorney
Monterey Divorce Lawyers
Monterey Child Custody Attorney

By Daniel S. Williams

As the age of Facebook, Twitter, and other social media is no longer in its infancy, you have probably heard why not to post certain things online for various reasons, be it so that perspective employers do not see it, or in the case of a divorce, so the "other side" can't use it against you.  You know how it goes, your out to dinner with some friends trying to enjoy a Friday night and someone orders a glass of wine, posts the picture online and then all of a sudden your ex is using it in Court to claim you are an alcoholic and were out drinking instead of being home with the kids.  Happens all the time.

But there is another thing that many people do not think about that can have a grave impact on your case that is not linked to social media in anyway.  It goes to the old saying "lose lips sink ships."  That saying for background comes from the days when on military submarines, crew were forbidden from talking because their voices could be picked up by very sensitive sound tracking devices and pin point the exact location of an "enemy" ship and thus sink it.

I am talking about the situation where you are at that dinner, or maybe even having breakfast with a family member or close friend talking about your case.  You look around, and you don't see your ex and anybody associated with him or her so it should be safe right?  WRONG.  In 2008 I had a friend going through a nasty divorce and child custody battle.  Both sides were accusing the other side of substance abuse.  Because one of the litigants was a friend, I was not the attorney of record.  I only new one of the parties through a secondary mutual friend.  She, the wife, had a fellow attorney in the community representing her and so did her husband.  They had a hearing coming up on spousal support and whether it should be extended, as the divorce by this time had been lingering with heavy custody litigation in the Court for well over two years.  My friend the wife was the recipient of the support and by the facts of the case, it did not look like she was going to get the extension.  However, after the hearing, she emailed me and stated she prevailed and got the extension.  The very next day, I was in Court sitting in the section for the attorneys and it was before the Judge came out and as it goes the several attorneys were talking among themselves.  I was sitting quietly going over my notes.  The attorney for the husband in the case I am referencing happened to be sitting right next to me.  He had NO idea that I knew the wife in his case.  He began talking to the attorney next to him, two seats away from me.  Husbands attorney did not mention any names, or anything that would stand out, he just was talking about how upset he was that he lost a particular hearing the previous day.  He then told the attorney sitting next to him, that his office had hired someone to follow the wife everywhere to see if they could catch her drinking.  Right then and there, his case was blown.  Again he did not mention any names, but I knew exactly who he was talking about

So after Court I called the wife and told her what I had heard.  She then knew to be on the lookout for someone following her.  So instead of potentially being caught by their trap, she began doing volunteer work and going to AA meetings etc.  This blew their case and husband ultimately could not sustain his allegation that the wife was abusing alcohol.  However, husband thinking that he was going to "get" his ex, was overconfident and wife had then hired a person to follow him everywhere.  He was caught drinking excessively and wife was able to sustain her allegation.  So the moral of the story is, DO NOT TALK IN PUBLIC ABOUT YOUR CASE.  Because you do not know what person is in an earshot and that they may have a secondary connection to the matter.  Your busboy or waiter could easily know you ex somehow and you may not even know it.  Make sure all conversations are done in private and keep your lips sealed.